Hair Brothers

I have come to the conclusion that these gentlemen may be related to me, solely because we all have the same hair. I'm not kidding.

Ray Toro of My Chemical Romance

Hyde of That '70s Show

Brent De Boer of the Dandy Warhols 

Dave Keuning of the Killers

So, they're either my brothers...or my fromates.

:I

PICNIC PICNIC PICNIC

I'm going on a picnic with my chums. Don't be too, insanely jealous, but this picnic, it's going to be mastodon (that's "epic," if you don't speak freakwad). The only way it'd be more mastodon is if MGMT was playing live at my picnic, but I'll settle for a recording. I know you needed to know this, and how much it greatly impacted your life, I can only dream of.

But ANYWAY, I figured that, since I made you dry heave from the boredom, I'd give you a picture of some feasting pandas.
So cute.

A Long, Drawn Out Post About Pish You Don't Care About.

Here's a list of completely random crap, of which, I know you just CANNOT live without knowing. *sarcasm*
1. I'm currently having to listen to and watch my 19 year old, senile cat lick himself, and it makes me want to puke.
2. "Duh, WINNING."
3. My favorite song is "Where Is My Mind?" by the Pixies.
4. I will never be able to take anybody who spells poorly on purpose's opinions seriously.
5. Do people work for a living in hippie communes? How do they even pay for the land they're using? Are they just squatting there until they get caught?
6. I am probably the only person on this hemisphere who doesn't have texting. And you know what? It's completely fine with me.
7. I am not a lesbian. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a lesbian, but I'm just putting it out in the world, so that people will know. Also, James Franco, I'm available.
8. Speaking of James Franco, I didn't even know they made men like that anymore. Mmmm.
9. The "Love of My Life" turned out to be a stoner with a possible meth addiction. I have SUCH a great taste in men, no?
10. I wish I had the world's first hovercraft, so that I wouldn't have to deal with traffic. I could just fly over them and laugh at them like the Count from Sesame Street.
11. I like architecture from the 1920s-40s. I wish people still built buildings like that.
12. I only give change to homeless people when they cut the BS out of their sob stories and just simply say, "I'm hungry," or "I need cigarettes and beer." I also do the same to the people who ask for gas money at gas stations.
13. I am not below running over small children at Walmart with my basket. Let this serve as a warning to you, so next time, you won't bring your 40 kids and have them completely congest the bread aisle.
14. I hate almost everybody, but I hate disappointing them.
15. I am now accepting money donations for my octopus tattoo. I so badly desire to have it, but alas, we cannot be, as I am merely a pauper. :(
16. My brother just fell asleep on my floor while attempting to get me to play Wii with him. I'm pretty sure I won this one, brathole.
17. I write poetry! But it sucks, and you will never ever read it! Mwahahahaha! Well, unless you ask, and I'll probably let you, but the entire time your reading it,  I'll be telling you it sucks because I really have no sense of self appreciation.
18. MASTODON.
19. Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
20. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS.

I WILL DO A MAGIC DANCE AROUND YOU AND THROW GLITTER IN YOUR FACE

 AND MAKE YOU LOVE ME.

THEN WE WILL RIDE OFF INTO THE SUNSET ON A PURPLE UNICORN NAMED

TERRY.

THEN WE WILL BECOME THIEVES AND STEAL STUFF AND SNEAK INTO MGMT CONCERTS.

THE END.

Hello, I'm Mary Poppins. Nice to meet you.

SO, for everyone wondering what I keep hidden in my heavy, giant purse, here it is. Does it surprise you that there aren't any small animals in it? Well that's because I hid them.

Clockwise from Bag (Huge, ugly, black thing at the right): Zune HD, Harajuku Lovers perfume in "G" with "Love" lid, Very Holywood by Michael Kors, Lighter for lighting stuff, my fancy chapstick collection, my keys, Arizona Tea packets, Hello Kitty Band-Aids, USB thingy, Burt's Bee's cuticle crap, Mini bottle of Viva la Juicy, pencil lead, Nintendo DS games, mini nail file, mini glitter mascara (totally useful), Fancy German pens, Nintendo DS, Wallet with absolutely NO money in it, eyeshadow brush kit, lipstick, hair ties, Physician's Formula Happy Booster powder, cheap sunglasses, Covergirl foundation, Bath and Body Works Hawaiian Coconut lotion, MORE coconut lotion, a unnecessarily large collection of pens, all my lipglosses that I forget I have so I just throw more lipglosses into my purse, Psssst! Dry shampoo (lifesaver, because I'm disturbingly lazy), my notebook with bad poetry, doodles and pictures (it's open to the public, just ask to see it), "I Love Boys" and "I Love Bling" hand sanitizer, gum, PILLS!, makeup bag. I usually have a magazine and some other COMPLETELY USEFUL crap in there, but I recently cleaned this thing out (believe me!) so it's pretty "tame."

Happy Valium-time's Day.

True story: when I was little, I used to call Valentine's Day "Valium-time's Day" which is totally appropriate because I LOATHE Valentine's Day, so much so, it makes me want to pop pills. What a stupid holiday.  So anyway, I hope everyone has a "happy" Valium-time's Day, and I hope your girlfriends don't beat you with a tubesock full of quarters because you didn't get them anything romantic and blah, blah, blah.

And My Valium-Time's Emo Song for the Day:

"Love, Love, Kiss, Kiss"-Alkaline Trio

P.S. The Cosmic Octopus does not indorse pill popping, even if the holiday is a total B.S. waste of holiday.

Does Anybody Want to Shell Out $4,000? Pleaaase?

I want these shoes. Would I wear them? Maybe. Could I wear them without breaking my neck? No. But I don't care.